Long Absences

I know I come and go from here without much notice & often with great lengths of time in between.

Since our last update, well a whole mess of stuff has happened. Work pretty much took over my life for 7 1/2 months then I quit that job & started freelancing & that took over my life for 3 1/2 months... but work has slowed to a trickle... This is a good thing in some ways... not so much financially, but perhaps I'll finally put my online portfolio together so I can get more work that can take over my existence & line the pockets of my debtors. *Grin* *Roll of Eyes*

Greg & I are doing fine, fine, fine. I always feel so grateful to have met & won the affection of such a dear sweet man. We're still in the same house, same basement, same cats, etc. We're still saving our pennies everywhere we can in hopes of getting into our very own little house someday.

This is going to sound a little odd, but it is so nice to be less employed! I'm looking forward like crazy to creating some hand-made gifts for Christmas this year & it is FANTASTIC to be here the minute Gerg gets home from work! ...Yes, I'm kind of terrified about how we're going to pull this off financially & all, but I'm cautiously hopeful that I'll be able to figure out how to put my website together & that I'll be able to pull in enough business to make ends meet. :) All-in-all it feels kind of healing for right now.

Other than that, I'm still fighting major anxiety attacks & randomly falling into the abyss of depression & despair. But I pull out of it alright & life goes on. I made the little drawing here just before I posted... I was getting that "It's late & I can't sleep" anxiety attack. Somehow the goofy little drawing distracted me enough that I feel calm again. That darn anxiety hits me often right as everyone is falling asleep & I know that I want to be asleep so that I can be awake & productive during the "appropriate" hours of the day... but so very often I am without any instant cure & end up not sleeping a wink. Then I'm late to everything the next day or I'm so tired that I can't remember stuff, I miss appointments or I just plain cant think & so I function really slow... all stuff that I beat the crap out of myself for emotionally.

"Darn it, Heidi! If you would just go to sleep when NORMAL people do!" Or, "If only you'd take your lazy butt to the gym more often, it'd be easier for you to sleep & think & live! Darn you Heidi! Darn darn darn you!"

Usually a tad more abusive than that. *I'm working on it*  Pills always end up making me worse than just not sleeping... I've given up on those. I think the answer is exercising every day for at least 30 minutes & eating better... or something like that... Things that I have yet to figure out how to MAKE myself do.

So there's an update on what's happening to us here.

Lucky for me I get to hang out with this beautiful girl for a couple of hours tomorrow. Whew! I think I got enough anxiety squeezed out that I can go to bed! Hope you're all well!

Hopefully I'll be back soon to show you the fun things I was able to make for Christmas! XOXO!!!

Another Week, Another Almost Burst Eardrum

I thought flu shots were supposed to prevent the flu! Well I guess old man winter had to have one more hurrah. I have the flu this week. Tonight my ear started hurting so bad I had to go to insta care. There they informed me that it indeed is infected and would burst if we don't get some antibiotics in there asap.

I feel like these guys are all in there at once hopping up and down on a very sore ear! Lol.

Actually, I just found that pic while browsing tonight & had to have it.

So here's what I think... I think I have NO idea what to think. I've had my mind made up for a week or two or three now that I hate being a graphic designer & I'm pretty lousy at it to boot. Then I go in today to work and think about how awesome my job is. I get to design Big-A posters for the stores, design all the shopping bags, gift cards & gift boxes, new web pages every week with new email campaigns to match & every once in a while I get to design a giant billboard sized image to go in front of the new stores while they build them. Pretty freaking awesome.
The drawback: it's pretty freaking stressful & I let it take over my entire life. (conclusion: too much stress = almost burst eardrums)
I was in the pits the other day thinking that my entire degree & all the many years & many crushing student loans I took to get it were all a huge waste... I resolved to give my notice & find a suitable receptionist job or something like that instead. But today, I can't face giving up the beautiful design job.
Thoughts anyone?
I'm on pain medication right now so I am open to ALL sorts of ideas! ha!

Baby Animal Day

 I got to babysit my sweet little niece Daphne for a few hours last night. Oh it's so fun! I love her so much!

Also, We went to Baby Animal Days up in Wellsville. I love this so much! Who could pass up on an event where you get to hold a tiny duck, chicken, rabbit & turtle all in one day! AND to be in such a beautiful place as Cache Valley, it's unbeatable!

 Bunn- eh!

This is Greg feeding the ducks. Look how fast they're all running toward him! ha ha!

Well thank you so much everyone for your comments on Stay-at-home mommy-ing. I want it so much. I know theres got to be a way we can do it too. :)

Here in Barber-ville things are going pretty good. Greg starts school next month. He's just starting with one class to get him used to it. He hasn't been in school since high-school, so we thought it best to start smaller. I know he'll do great.

I'm still working at Naartjie. I've been really stressed with it lately. All the people are being nice & I'm improving in my skills, but the workload is increasing by double & I can barely keep up with it as is. That is why you don't see me blogging often. :( :( :(

We're working on getting our building lot sold out in West Point. Then we'll pay off my student loans and get into a house up North a bit. If that happens, I'll probably have to look for work more toward Ogden. So if you know anyone who wants to buy a third of an acre lot in West Point UT let me know. I'd love to be in a place of my own. :)

Well it's midnight-thirty almost & Gregger went to bed hours ago, so I better too. Otherwise I'll be late to one o'clock church! lol.  Talk to you all soon... I hope! :S

Family is Fantastic!

Greg & I just got home from a very fun weekend up in Idaho. We were up there for Grandma Lindsay's 80th birthday party! It was incredibly fun to see so many of my cousins and aunts and uncles all in one weekend. It brought back such good memories of how things used to be. We used to get together much more often.
I got a little teary on Sunday. I just sort of miss my family and the closeness we used to have. I am grateful for them and so happy I got to see them all. It is hard to see how life changes. Life is good, it's different, but good. I miss my grandfather so much. Greg & I stopped by the cemetery on our way out of town. I am sure he would have loved to have been with us at granny's party.

Well, life here in the Barber basement (we're still living downstairs in my folks' house) is moving along. We're still working and trying to save some money on the side for a home. I have been fighting the winter blues lately. I get that seasonal depression pretty bad, and this year has been particularly difficult. I've been seeing a doctor since June and have been on 6 or 7 different medications since then. All of them have some side effects and some are worse than others. I was starting to feel despair, but the sun came out and gave me enough strength to keep trying. :)

I am so grateful for a patient husband to put up with it all! He's the sweetest man! He opens doors for me and buys me flowers and is always checking to make sure that I am happy and comfortable. I guess it REALLY does pay off to wait for the right one to come along. Thanks to all of you for encouraging me to keep waiting for him. He's a dream come true!

And now for a question... To my stay-at-home mom friends: Recently, someone who I really respect and care about told me that my dream of becoming a stay-at-home mother was not going to happen for me, that I was always going to have to work and that being a stay-at-home mom is not as great as I have always thought it is - nor perhaps something to be respected as much as a working mom. This broke my heart. I have been thinking about it for nearly six weeks now.

My mind is full of questions. I want to know what are the good things about it... and what have you found to be different than what you expected? And of course, what about being the stay at home mom is less than ideal? We're not trying for a baby yet... but of course it has been on my mind. I want a family so much. Almost everyone I am close to who is in the "mom" years and has children is a stay-at-home mom. But I'd also like to know the other side of it, so if you've known it from the working mom side of things, I'd sure like to hear about that too.

It's 10 again. :-/ I'm trying to go to the gym at 4:45 a.m. so I guess I better get some shut eye. Greg's been asleep for an hour and a half now. He's going to be all bright eye'd and happy and I'll be a grouch. ha! Well, Goodnight!

Thinking of Blogging

Here's a behind the scenes video of one of our photoshoots.

I really really wanted to blog tonight... but alas, it's 10:30 almost... so I'm off to bed. I've been wanting to blog forEVER... I'll get back here soon.

New Niece

Here's a photo of my newest niece, Daphne. Dan & Dianna had her yesterday early in the morning. She's about 8 weeks early, so she's got to be in the hospital for a while, but she's doing great. Isn't she beautiful! I can't wait to meet her.

Greg & I are keeping super busy. We just got home Monday morning from our honeymoon cruise to the Southern Caribbean. Pictures to come... I'm at work & can't take but a moment here.