Monday, December 10, 2012

Long Absences

I know I come and go from here without much notice & often with great lengths of time in between.

Since our last update, well a whole mess of stuff has happened. Work pretty much took over my life for 7 1/2 months then I quit that job & started freelancing & that took over my life for 3 1/2 months... but work has slowed to a trickle... This is a good thing in some ways... not so much financially, but perhaps I'll finally put my online portfolio together so I can get more work that can take over my existence & line the pockets of my debtors. *Grin* *Roll of Eyes*

Greg & I are doing fine, fine, fine. I always feel so grateful to have met & won the affection of such a dear sweet man. We're still in the same house, same basement, same cats, etc. We're still saving our pennies everywhere we can in hopes of getting into our very own little house someday.

This is going to sound a little odd, but it is so nice to be less employed! I'm looking forward like crazy to creating some hand-made gifts for Christmas this year & it is FANTASTIC to be here the minute Gerg gets home from work! ...Yes, I'm kind of terrified about how we're going to pull this off financially & all, but I'm cautiously hopeful that I'll be able to figure out how to put my website together & that I'll be able to pull in enough business to make ends meet. :) All-in-all it feels kind of healing for right now.

Other than that, I'm still fighting major anxiety attacks & randomly falling into the abyss of depression & despair. But I pull out of it alright & life goes on. I made the little drawing here just before I posted... I was getting that "It's late & I can't sleep" anxiety attack. Somehow the goofy little drawing distracted me enough that I feel calm again. That darn anxiety hits me often right as everyone is falling asleep & I know that I want to be asleep so that I can be awake & productive during the "appropriate" hours of the day... but so very often I am without any instant cure & end up not sleeping a wink. Then I'm late to everything the next day or I'm so tired that I can't remember stuff, I miss appointments or I just plain cant think & so I function really slow... all stuff that I beat the crap out of myself for emotionally.

"Darn it, Heidi! If you would just go to sleep when NORMAL people do!" Or, "If only you'd take your lazy butt to the gym more often, it'd be easier for you to sleep & think & live! Darn you Heidi! Darn darn darn you!"

Usually a tad more abusive than that. *I'm working on it*  Pills always end up making me worse than just not sleeping... I've given up on those. I think the answer is exercising every day for at least 30 minutes & eating better... or something like that... Things that I have yet to figure out how to MAKE myself do.

So there's an update on what's happening to us here.

Lucky for me I get to hang out with this beautiful girl for a couple of hours tomorrow. Whew! I think I got enough anxiety squeezed out that I can go to bed! Hope you're all well!

Hopefully I'll be back soon to show you the fun things I was able to make for Christmas! XOXO!!!

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