I've been having a hard time again. It's hard to write about it. Connections to people mean so much to me, and I know mental illness still carries such a stigma. I don't want to lose you my friends. I miss you so much as it is now. The truth is that I have mental illness though. I sometimes feel very irrational. I want to be all smiles and goodness just like you... somehow I keep ending up here instead.It hasn't been this bad in a long time and I don't know why it came on so strong and so fast. Whats worse, there's so little anyone can do for me. I'll see another doctor next week. I'm struggling to last that long... Then it will be on to more guessing about which medication to try next. I dread the side effects that inevitably come with those drugs. I just want to be normal. Anyway, if you don't hear from me much right now, that's why. Sometimes I can fake it like everything's fine, just not tonight.
I miss you all.
8 comments:
I wish there was something I could do...
Love you!
I am so sorry Heidi. I wish there was something I could do to help you out. I appreciate this post. I will be praying for you.
I love you.
SO.
VERY.
MUCH.
I love you too. Regardless of you having a hard time. And sometimes BECAUSE you're having a hard time. It shows your humanity and tenacity. I just wanted you to kno that I love you even when you're low, every time you're low, no matter how often or long it lasts, I never get tired of you or love you less. And I'm always pulling for you. Talk to you soon.
BTW, that deleted post was mine. I just didn't say it right the first time. Missed a couple of things.
Heidi,
I hope that things will start to look up for you soon. I will keep you in my prayers and remember I love you. Take care and I will talk to you later.
Oh, Heidi! I have missed you. You are such a compassionate person, and I'm sure that has come from having to go through so much junk in your life. You are right, too. I don't understand. At least not entirely. I've been down plenty of times, but thankfully not for very long stretches of time. It still stinks big time, though. I wish you didn't have to deal with depression. I wish NO ONE had to! It has to be the most awful illness out there. I wish you warm weather and sunshine and purple pansies and birds chirping and a nice, yummy smoothie or mug of hot chocolate and a comfortable chair and a really good book... if any of those things sound nice to you. And imagine yourself being wrapped in a bear hug right now. I love you, Heidi! You WILL pull through and feel a little better. You just have to!
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