Merry Christmas!

Hello and a very Merry Christmas to all! It's been a good day here with the family. With all my siblings grown up and moved away this year we had a rather extended celebration. Because of weather my sister was not going to be here so we opened presents with them 2 days ago and then we opened presents with my other sister and my brother and their families this morning at her house.

I tried to feel the Christmas spirit this season, but I have felt it only for an instant last night. It's been a dark and difficult year. I have gained much. It has been through heavy heavy heartache that I have survived though. Please don't get me wrong, I have been so blessed! Sometimes lifes learning hurts. Over the past while I've sunk into a dark and lonely sadness and I'm afraid to say my flame of hope has diminished significantly. Months stacked on months of darkness and misunderstanding can do that to a person.

There's a few things I am trying to do to come back from this devastation. I'm trying to think more positively about things. (This is VERY difficult when you've gotten into a negative pattern). I'm also trying to just tell myself hopeful things even if I don't believe me right now. I'm trying to hope that our Father in Heaven will help me.

Sounds pretty awful doesn't it. I hope it turns out right. :s I'm trying to be resilient. Is it the 4th watch yet?