Sunday, January 25, 2009
Break ups Suck
Break ups suck. My poor roommate just got dumped with the classic "I just feel like we should only be friends." line. It's such crap. It leaves the person wondering what they did wrong or how they could've done things differently. I thought that with the couple of hum dinger break ups I've had that perhaps they would be useful if someone I care about ever got broken up with. Nope. They were just useless pain. All I could do was sit there and tell her how sorry I was that he had done that. Freakin' useless!
I think I should just tear my heart out and throw it away. It's useless. At least here in Utah. Then I wouldn't have to worry about it getting hurt. Sure, I'd miss out on the possibility of it being happy, but hey, it isn't happy now nor has it been the majority of its time, so why let it get in the way of everyday functions.
I feel like I'm in a time warp. I'm stuck in the year 2001 whilst everyone I care about has moved on to 2009. Its very strange. You're all here, but you're nearly 10 years into the future and I'm not. The more I struggle to catch up the more stuck I get and the more attention I call to myself which is the last thing I want to do.
I've been trying to feel spiritual again. Some of you remember me when I was spiritual. Right? I have lost that and I miss it. I've been wriggling around trying to find it again but keep rolling into massive pits of doubt and bitterness and that of course leads to self-loathing. I just wish I felt like my life was worth something or had some meaning.
Sorry for another negative post. It's dark outside and I have seasonal depression and a computer to type on. So hopefully next time I'll be in a more cheerful mood and have a "good report."
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