Sunday, January 25, 2009

Break ups Suck

Break ups suck. My poor roommate just got dumped with the classic "I just feel like we should only be friends." line. It's such crap. It leaves the person wondering what they did wrong or how they could've done things differently. I thought that with the couple of hum dinger break ups I've had that perhaps they would be useful if someone I care about ever got broken up with. Nope. They were just useless pain. All I could do was sit there and tell her how sorry I was that he had done that. Freakin' useless!

I think I should just tear my heart out and throw it away. It's useless. At least here in Utah. Then I wouldn't have to worry about it getting hurt. Sure, I'd miss out on the possibility of it being happy, but hey, it isn't happy now nor has it been the majority of its time, so why let it get in the way of everyday functions.

I feel like I'm in a time warp. I'm stuck in the year 2001 whilst everyone I care about has moved on to 2009. Its very strange. You're all here, but you're nearly 10 years into the future and I'm not. The more I struggle to catch up the more stuck I get and the more attention I call to myself which is the last thing I want to do.

I've been trying to feel spiritual again. Some of you remember me when I was spiritual. Right? I have lost that and I miss it. I've been wriggling around trying to find it again but keep rolling into massive pits of doubt and bitterness and that of course leads to self-loathing. I just wish I felt like my life was worth something or had some meaning.

Sorry for another negative post. It's dark outside and I have seasonal depression and a computer to type on. So hopefully next time I'll be in a more cheerful mood and have a "good report."

1 comment:

Paul said...

My brother-in-law just posted this comment on his blog. He stole it from another relative's blog, that he's pretty sure stole from Dear Abby. I thought it was a great quote!

"Perhaps you would be happier if you dwelt less on yourself and the emptiness you feel, and spent some time helping people who are less fortunate than you. Leo Rosten once wrote that the purpose of life is to matter, to be productive, to have it make a difference that you lived at all -- using the talents that God has given you for the betterment of others."

I have SADS too. It really really sucks. Last winter was a real doozy for me. But I find that if I can come up with something to immerse myself in and obsess about (something good, of course!!) it really helps a lot -- whether it's a hobby, a book series, a toy car collection (you should see my Cars cars collection; it's absolutely ridiculous!), writing, sewing -- whatever.

Let me know if I can do anything to help......

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