I Know you dont understand

I've been having a hard time again. It's hard to write about it. Connections to people mean so much to me, and I know mental illness still carries such a stigma. I don't want to lose you my friends. I miss you so much as it is now. The truth is that I have mental illness though. I sometimes feel very irrational. I want to be all smiles and goodness just like you... somehow I keep ending up here instead.

It hasn't been this bad in a long time and I don't know why it came on so strong and so fast. Whats worse, there's so little anyone can do for me. I'll see another doctor next week. I'm struggling to last that long... Then it will be on to more guessing about which medication to try next. I dread the side effects that inevitably come with those drugs. I just want to be normal. Anyway, if you don't hear from me much right now, that's why. Sometimes I can fake it like everything's fine, just not tonight.

I miss you all.

Man, I feel crappy. I'm tired of it. It's endless.

ZzzzzOnk!

Medicine is dumb. But sometimes you have to take it. I've got to take this stuff for a few weeks and it REALLY zonks me out! I feel like I'm on a liquid drip of ambien! *shrug* I suppose I have the luxury of sleeping for 3 months. Hmmm... Not my favorite way to spend my life. Oh well.




I'm thinking of doing a little service project this summer. It's for low income mothers and mothers-to-be. They would have me throw a baby shower and collect as much stuff as I can for a newborn to 18 month old. I then take it to their center where the moms in need are given everything they need for their baby.
One thing I like about it is that they are not just giving out hand outs. I read that the mom does have to do a small number of "chores" or something to earn things for her baby. That way they are sort of rehabilitating the mom so she will be able to feel like she earned the supplies and like she can provide for her family.

Let me know what you think of such a project. I haven't signed up yet because I don't know if my friends would want to participate in something like that. It's just like a regular baby shower, only you don't know the real mom... I'd be the pretender mom.

Well I've done it...

I've applied to go back to school. The Applied Tech school in Kaysville looks like the place. I wasn't getting where I want to be looking for jobs this past 11 months now... Ssssoooo... Here goes. I'm going to take some more classes to enhance the digital side of my career and I may just take a few courses in secretary stuff too, to get me something I can do in case my career doesn't pan out as fast as we'd like.

I've been feeling down a bit. I'm keeping busy but I think what I need is a job to make some progress on paying off old student loans. Also it would feel so nice to be able to live on my own and not feel so dependent for everything.

Anyway, just a quick post to move those twinkie sushi things down a bit. :)

Twinki Sushi

So one time a long time ago I was scanning the internet as I do almost every single day and I came across a recipe for Twinki Sushi. (insert credit-giving-link HERE)

My father took it to a family get together this past weekend and everyone was asking for the recipe or a how-to. So here it is:

Twinki Sushi
Serves 4-ish if you have 2 each and fight over the last one.

What you'll need: 3 twinkies, 3 green fruit roll ups, orange slice candies or Swedish Fish candy, a cutting board, a bread knife, and a sharp tipped knife.

bread knife

Sharp tipped knife
______________________________________

STEP 1: Cut the ends off of the twinkies with the bread slicing knife and eat them or feed them to your dog (your choice).


Next: cut the twinki into 3 one-inch thick pieces.


Repeat the process with the other 2 twinkies. You should end up with 9 pieces.

Step 2: Unroll a fruit roll up (leave it on its wrapper for now.) One fruit roll-up per twinki should do.


Place a twinkie piece on the top and cut along both sides of it. (We tried wrapping the whole twinki in the fruit roll up and then slicing it but it didn't work as well... kinda got squished.)


Now peel the strip off the plastic and wrap it around your twinki slice.
Repeat with the other 8 pieces and place them on your serving dish.


From the remaining fruit roll-up pieces, cut a bunch of thin slices as a garnish.
I laid them across the top of the twinki and stuck the ends to the side like so:
Chop up a few pieces of orange candy or you could use dried fruit too.
Use as an additional garnish on the Twinki.
Also, you could use Swedish fish or any other candy you choose.

Serve to your guests with chocolate and caramel ice cream topping (wasabi sauce). Chopsticks optional.
Lots of fun. I had two neighbors fooled into thinking it was real sushi. I had to explain to them that it was candy! lol.

Overwelmed with creativity

Most of you who read and comment on this blog know exactly what I mean when I say that every now and then I just NEEEEED to create something. Usually it's a craft, sometimes it's artwork, sometimes it's clothing... but whatever it is... It fulfills an undeniable and unstoppable drive in me.

I have been visually feasting on crafts for several hours. I am in love with Kristine McKay's blog. Visit it here: http://www.kmckaydesigns.com. So what I am wondering, my fellow crafters (You know who you are) Do you ever get so magically drawn in by all the amazing ideas out there online that you wind up spending all your time looking and drooling over ideas instead of doing stuff? If so, how do you keep from falling into that trap... because although it is a beautiful feast of visual entertainment... I wish I had something to show for it... i.e. a finished craft/art piece/etc.

Mostly Kittiies

Kitty: What? You had a problem with being woken up at 5 this morning?

Me: Have you been up all night watching Ray William Johnson?!!

Kitty: Mmmmaaaybe.... What's it to you?

YAY for spring!!! Look how hard my ground is... you garden gurus out there... do I need to soften it up somehow??? Will the flowers grow better?

Look. One escaped into the grass! How do I get it back into the garden without killing its roots?

My little supervisors. Always there to make sure I'm doing the right things.



And finally, this week's primary adventure. We were learning about baptism. Here is my Elder ready to baptize.

Oh yes... that's much better!

Mmmm hmmmm! I think my whole life just got a whole lot brighter. Thanks Care for the suggestion to look up the original "the riddle" by Nick Kershaw. The hair and the far off look of this guy... Just can't help but smile.

In other news, my crocus' are blooming!!! Yay! So now I have to go back to pulling staples out of my sub-floor. We're getting new carpet soon! HoooraaaaaaYYYYY!!! I think that carpet and all its stains were a hundred years old!

Okay... talk to you soon.

A little Sad

I'm feeling a little discouraged today. I found out two days ago that I did not get the job that the recruiter I talked to said I was a "shoe-in" for. Sigh... I have little bouts and fits despairing that there must be something wrong with me.


I wish I was where this poster says mature people are. I'm trying. I really have been applying to everything. How is it that no one wants me... not even to mop their floors or clean their toilets. lol. For some reason I think I have to keep telling everyone that I am applying for EVERYTHING or else you all will think I am lazy. Getting a bit insecure I guess. I really am trying so hard.

*deep breaths*
No worries. I'll be fine. It's just frustrating to have to wait and wait and wait !!!

I just found this really cool song that I had to download. See if you like it. Its called "The Riddle" and it's by Gigi D'agnosto

Part of the lyrics say, "Near a tree by a river there's a hole in the ground where an old man of Aran goes around and around, and his love is a beacon in the middle of the night for a strange kind of fashion there's a wrong and a right..."

Lol. I have no idea what it's talking about but I like it.

Sleep? It's for wimps!

Oh I am tired! It's 8 minutes to six in the morning and I just finished my primary lesson. That's what I get for allowing myself to get sucked into a tear-jerker movie on a Saturday night.

And the Russian's stupid song is stuck in my dang head! Blast you Ray for introducing it to us! *shrug* oh well. I guess I am going to go and have a 2 hour nap and a 1976 Russian-PBS dream. Good times.

I tell ya, I've got to stop drawing so many pictures for my class. I mean really... is it that important that they actually understand this lesson? Kidding! I love those little rug rats and I'd do anything to entertain and teach them at the same time. :)

So the date was fine. Thaifoon was the restaraunt and I have to say it can't hold a candle to Pong Sri of New York City fame. To be honest... it probably can't even hold a candle to "Heidi's Tuesday night experiment" but the building was awesome and the company was entertaining so I don't have much to complain about.

OH YUCK!!! A nasty only semi-little spider just came crawling out from under my printer and was headed right toward my elbow!!!! I flicked him across the room! Eeeeeeew!!!

And on that note, I'm going to go steal as much quality sleep as I can in the next 2 hours. Sigh...

For your Russian Pleasure

Oh hilarious! Sometimes I feel like this is what's left out there to date.

It makes me want to do something like this...

Thankfully, tonight I have a date with someone cute and funny. I'll let you know if anything musical comes of it.

Well in other news, I have another interview on Monday. Yippee!!! It's a VERY entry level position doing web content. Oh oh oh! I am crossing my fingers! I need someone to give me a chance! Also, today I am headed down to the applied technology center to find out what training they have available for web design.

So, yes... There you have it. :)